Lately I’ve been hearing complaints (or more an expression of annoyance I suppose) from fellow polyamorists, about a certain type of poly person, who I have heard named an “poly-evangelists” in this article on polytical. They tend to describe this kind of person by their belief that polyamory is “enlightened” or that it is a better option than monogamy.
Now, I don’t really feel like I’ve ever come across this kind of person… which leads me to wonder if, in actual fact, they are talking about people like me? Ever heard the expression (is it an expression?… I dunno) “If you can’t see the weirdo on the bus, it’s you”? That’s kind of what I’m thinking anyway. I do believe that polyamory is a more healthy relationship framework than monogamy is, for various logical reasons. And sure, I suppose I have a certain amount of confidence in myself and I’d say that I’m generally quite a thoughtful person – and it’s probably that part of me that likes to *think* that made me come to the conclusion that monogamy isn’t the be all and end all. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe the question I need to be asking here is – what is the crime that these ‘poly-evangelists’ have committed? I have a sneaky suspicion that it’s much less about what they believe in and more how the act as a result of their beliefs.
First of all this sort of reminds me of an issue that often comes up when arguing about bisexuality. Sometimes bi people get some jip from the gays, and this is often seen as a bit hypocritical. Since gay people expect, or want, to be accepted by other people – it is a bit disingenuous for them to turn around and treat another minority group with disrespect. And I suppose the same implication is made in this case too. I think a part of it is that they are saying “if you want to be accepted as poly then you have to accept the monogamous”. So if that is the case then I think I’d say I’m on their side. I try not to judge anyone or force my opinions onto them – I’ll argue my case as best I can, because I believe in it. But I also think that people are entitled to their own beliefs as much as I am, so I don’t expect people to believe what I believe if they don’t want to.
Also, in the referenced article, the author implies that these kinds of people tend to scare away the monogamously minded people, or make it seem much more drastic than it is in reality. I find that when it comes to the skeptics I tend to be more factual and relatable about it all, some people don’t really make the effort to understand and I don’t see the point in trying to change that. It’s the people who have an open minded curiosity about it that tend to interest me when it comes to debating polyamory. And though I believe it would be nice if everyone (or at least a large proportion more) was poly, I don’t intend to suggest that everyone in our current society really should be. It seems you have to be a certain kind of person to have the adaptability for it, because for a lot of people – polyamory means facing your insecurities. And that’s not easy for anyone. But then I wonder what the world would be like if everyone really tried to understand and overcome their personal issues. We’d be a bloody introspective lot, but something tells me we’d all be that bit more happy and fulfilled. I mean, can you imagine?